The dodger's police survey

Due to restrictions on file size, you may not be able to properly read the humourous survey attached, created by one of our group who had lots of time on their hands for about 28 hours, so here is the text...

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION SURVEY

We see from our records that you recently enjoyed one of our famous ‘InBreaks’at CLYDEBANK/DUMBARTON Police Station. Here in Strathclyde we are constantly trying to improve our service to our customers. Please take a moment to let us know how we are doing.

How would you rate these aspects of our service on a scale of 1 to 5?

GENERAL FACILITIES
1. the rigour of our hygiene standards
2. our evening entertainment programme
3. the general ambience

YOUR FOOD
1. recognisability
2. presentation
3. impact on your bowels

YOUR BEDROOM
1. colour scheme (including matching blankets)
2. lighting effects
3. tea-making facilities
4. toilet suite
5. quality of graffiti

THE STAFF
1. visibility
2. comprehensibility
3. warmth of hands
4. promptness of response to your requests

OVERALL
1. how would you rate the overall experience?
2. how likely are you to visit us again?
3. how likely are you to recommend us to a friend?

4. how likely are you to recommend us to an enemy?

We in Strathclyde take our commitment to the community very seriously. Will you contribute to this year's Christmas appeal? If so, please indicate the amount below:

I enclose a cheque for ________ towards the 2006 Guard Dogs for Faslane Christmas Appeal.

Thank you for completing this form. Just pop it in your own envelope and send it at your own expense. Please don't forget to enclose a cheque for £350 in payment of your fine. An early response is always appreciated.

We look forward to making you welcome here again very soon.

Your Chief Constable
Charles Neil Donaldson
and the rest of the team